


Even Walls Fall Down

by Periginate (odd_acious)



Category: The Arcana (Visual Novel)
Genre: Confessions, Cuddling & Snuggling, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fainting, Fluff and Angst, Gentleness, Hurt/Comfort, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,459
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22731493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/odd_acious/pseuds/Periginate
Summary: On the slip of paper were five words, written in a familiar hand.Rilke unwell, please come. Asra.(CW for disordered eating)
Relationships: Apprentice/Julian Devorak, Julian Devorak/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 4
Kudos: 64





	Even Walls Fall Down

**Author's Note:**

> CW for disordered eating/under eating as a main theme. 
> 
> Rilke is my MC, I'm working on a piece to introduce her properly, but this one happened first and I wanted to get it posted! Takes place post-canon, when Rilke and Julian have been ~a thing~ for a while.
> 
> Also, the disordered eating discussed here is based on my personal experience as someone with a shaky relationship with food (note that “disordered eating” is not the same as “eating disorder”). I don’t mean to say I’m an expert by any means- just that I did my best to realistically portray a condition as I know it.
> 
> Also, Sila is Rilke’s familiar, a mischievous Samoyed who, like Faust, is a little more “human” than some animals (single-word telepathic communication, that sort of thing). We’ll get to know her better in another installment!

The note had come by a messenger, a young person Julian had tipped a few coins for delivering the slip of paper across town. On it were five words, written in a familiar hand.

_Rilke unwell, please come. Asra._

\---

Julian burst through the door, looking frantically around the magic shop. He clutched the note in a fist, his heart racing.

For a moment, the shop seemed empty. Then Julian heard the sound of footsteps on the stairs, and moments later Asra came into view. He looked surprisingly calm, given the matter at hand.

“What happened? How is she?” Julian exclaimed by way of greeting.

“Calm down,” Asra said firmly. Julian would do no such thing, instead fixing the magician with an insistent look.

“Rilke fainted. I think she just overexerted herself magically, but she still looks pale. She’s in bed now, and she says she’s fine, but I thought you’d want to know.”

“Right,” Julian muttered before he began to pull off his gloves and coat.

“I’ll go and check on her, will you be here for a bit? In case she needs anything.”

“Of course,” Asra said with a small smile as Julian went upstairs, already in Doctor Mode.

Rilke was curled up on her side with Sila nestled into the curve of her body. Her bronze-colored curls were fanned out across the pillow, and her eyes were open. She looked afraid and very small, curled up on the massive bed, but she smiled weakly at Julian when he entered.

“Hey, Julian.”

“Darling,” Julian murmured, crouching at the bedside. “Are you alright? Asra said you passed out.”

Rilke nodded weakly.

“How do you feel?” Julian frowned, looking into Rilke’s eyes.

“Shaky. Still kind of faint. A little nauseous, too,” Rilke said quietly, her voice thin and tired.

“Hmm,” Julian hummed sympathetically, placing a hand to Rilke’s forehead. It was cool, if a little sweaty.

“No fever,” Julian murmured, pressing a kiss where his hand had rested. “Have you been drinking water?”

“Yeah.”

“What have you eaten?”

At this, Rilke fell silent.

“Darling?” Julian frowned- it hadn’t been a hard question.

“I don’t- I guess I haven’t...”

“You haven’t eaten?” Julian’s heart dropped, and the question came out sounding more panicked than he’d meant it to be. Sila looked up at him, her ears pricked up.

Rilke looked away from Julian, embarrassed. “I just wasn’t thinking about it,” she mumbled into the pillow.

“Sweetheart,” Julian said softly, reaching for Rilke’s hand. She extended it automatically, meeting him halfway.

“It’s no wonder you fainted if you haven’t eaten since yesterday. Is it alright if I go and get you something to eat?”

“Yeah, thanks,” Rilke nodded, squeezing Julian’s hand.

Before Julian made to leave, he ran a hand gently through Rilke’s hair, leaning his head in closer.

“Is there anything else you need?”

“Um,” Rilke said quietly, looking a bit embarrassed. “I guess you can’t- you have to go back to the clinic, right?”

“Not if I’m needed here.” Julian smiled, stroking her cheek gently. “Would you rather have me stay with you?”

“Could you?” Rilke looked up at him hopefully.

“Of course, sweetheart.” Julian dropped a peck on her cheek before he stood.

“I’ll be back in a minute, alright?”

Rilke nodded, and Julian rushed back downstairs.

///

Asra looked up in alarm at Julian’s hurried steps.

“What is it?”

“Oh, she’s fine! Sorry,” Julian said quickly. “I think it was just her blood sugar. Did you happen to see if she ate anything today?”

“No, I don’t think so, she woke up before me so I assumed...” Asra trailed off, frowning. He looked down for a moment, then looked back up at Julian, realization dawning.

“I’ve just remembered. She used to do this before the plague- when she was stressed, she’d stop eating.”

A chilling sense of shame washed over Julian- having been around Rilke for months, how could he not have noticed something like this? With her new duties at the palace, of course Rilke was under stress- she’d mentioned as much- but he should have noticed, he should have known.

“I’ll get her something to eat, okay?” Asra said assuagingly. Julian nodded, and Asra took a few steps before he turned around and added,

“This is not your fault, Ilya.”

“I never said-” Julian protested.

“You’d blame yourself for the death of a fly on the other side of the world.”

“Fine,” grumbled Julian. As Asra walked away, smirking, Julian took the liberty of looking under the counter for a quill and scrap of paper. Having found both, he scrawled a quick note to the doctor with whom he shared a clinic, explaining that he was needed elsewhere for a medical emergency. 

He rolled it up into a tight scroll, then called up the stairs to see if Rilke didn’t mind letting Sila take the message to the clinic. Sila came bounding down the stairs in a flurry of excitement ( _Help? Job? JOB? Jobjobjob job!!_ ) eager to help her ailing master any way she could. Once Julian had tied the note to the dog’s collar, he went to see if he could do anything to help Asra.

/////

When Julian came back into the room with a tray of food, he couldn’t help but smile. Even though he knew, logically, that Rilke had been fine in the five minutes he’d been gone, it was still something of a relief to see that she was still there, curled up in the blankets and looking very sweet. The thought that she felt unwell, that she had to suffer even the slightest misfortune, made his heart ache.

“You took my bed warmer.” Rilke pouted, indicating the spot where her dog had been.

“Sorry, love.” Julian set the tray on the nightstand, swooping down to kiss his lover’s forehead. “I’ll take over for her if you’d like, though.”

“I guess you’ll do,” Rilke said, smiling playfully as she made to sit up. The smile was quickly replaced by a wince, though, and Rilke closed her eyes and leaned forward to pinch the bridge of her nose.

“Sat up too fast,” Rilke muttered- she knew Julian well enough to know without looking that he’d be worried.

Julian hummed sympathetically, sitting down beside Rilke so that he could rub her back as she waited for the dizziness to pass. It only lasted a few moments, and she looked wearily up at Julian when it had.

“You’ll feel better once you’ve eaten something,” Julian said reassuringly, reaching over for the plate of food Asra had prepared. On it, there was a cup of ginger tea, two pieces of brown bread covered in almond butter, and a bowl of pomegranate seeds and berries. Julian smiled to himself- it made him happy to know that Asra knew Rilke’s favorite foods.

Rilke glanced down at the plate, a troubled look crossing her face. With a grimace, she started to nibble at the toast.

“How was the clinic today?” Rilke asked between bites.

“It was good. We had a case of morning sickness, a few injuries from the docks- oh, one of them was an old crewmate.”

“Really? Which one?”

“I must have told you about Slyboots, right?”

“I don’t think so.”

And so Julian launched into a story, regailing Rilke with a tale from his seafaring days. He hoped it would do something to distract her, and she did seem to relax a little. By the time he had finished, Rilke had finished her tea and one piece of toast, and was starting to look a bit more herself. 

Julian had stood up as he told his story- he couldn’t just describe a sword fight without demonstrating it, after all- but he sat back down now, facing Rilke. He took her hand in his, their fingers twining together easily.

“How do you feel now, lovely?” Julian asked, drawing her hand close to him. Her grip felt stronger, even though he thought she was still shaking a little.

“A bit better,” Rilke said with a grateful smile.

Julian reached for her face with his free hand, holding her cheek for a moment before leaning in to press a kiss to her mouth. Her lips were warm and gentle under his own, pulling him in a moment longer than Julian had intended- not that he was complaining.

When they pulled apart, Julian let his hand float down to Rilke’s shoulder, and he fell silent for a moment. He didn’t want to push her, but he needed to know. 

“Rilke,” Julian murmured, looking intently into her honey-colored eyes. “I hate to bring this up, but- you haven’t been eating much lately. Is everything alright?”

Rilke sighed, pulling her hand away from Julian’s. She shifted back, putting some space between them.

“I- I think it’s just stress. Because of- everything up at the palace. My new duties.” Her voice sounded very small, and she wouldn’t meet Julian’s eye.

“When I’m under pressure, or everything feels out of my control- I sometimes- you know. Eat less. I just look at food and can’t make myself eat it, even if I’m hungry. I don’t know why.” Rilke avoided looking at Julian, her shame plain on her face. She looked so sad, so wretched, it made Julian’s chest ache.

“For the most part, that’s all- I just don’t get hungry when I’m stressed,” Rilke continued, pulling her knees into her chest. It was as if the subject depleted her somehow, making her shrink slowly away.

“And the rest of the time?” Julian frowned.

“Well, I- I hate that I do this, but- well, sometimes, when I get like this, even if I do get hungry, I sometimes… decide not to eat.”

“I don’t like that I do it,” Rilke shook her head, as if trying to rid herself of the notion. “But sometimes, when everything’s out of control… it’s just nice to be able to control something. And it’s stupid, I know it’s not helping anything but-”

“Rilke. Sweetheart.” Julian interrupted her panicked rambling, keeping his voice low. With all the caution of one approaching a wounded animal, he placed one hand on her shoulder, lightly enough to allow her to pull away if she still wanted space.

“Are you- embarrassed about it?” Julian frowned.

Rilke nodded, tears beginning to sparkle in her eyes. She was looking at Julian like she was afraid he would shout at her.

The only thing Julian could think to do was to pull his lover into his arms. She was tense and rigid against him, though, so he pulled back after a moment.

“This is nothing to be ashamed of, lovely.” Julian kept his voice gentle and even. 

“But-” Rilke began, her voice shaking with swallowed sobs. “But it’s my fault that- that I’m like this. If I could just do better under pressure-”

“Rilke, please,” Julian urged, “Please don’t tell yourself that. This is not your fault. It’s something you had no say in, and I’m so sorry you’ve had to deal with it. Especially that you ever dealt with it on your own. So, thank you for telling me.”

Rilke hesitated for a moment, then reached for Julian, who pulled her willingly into his arms. He eased her gently into his lap and rubbed her back and kissed her curly head, all while murmuring sweet platitudes to calm his sweetheart down. She cried for several long minutes, snivelling and sobbing into Julian’s shirt as he held her.

When Rilke had hiccuped herself into silence, Julian smoothed her curls gently away from her forehead.

“Do you want to lay down for a bit?”

Rilke nodded. She was still holding the back of Julian’s shirt, as if she was afraid he’d drift away if she didn’t hold him tightly enough.

“I’ll stay with you,” Julian reassured Rilke, pressing a kiss to her forehead. “Just give me a moment, okay? This shirt’s a little worse for the wear.”

Rilke chuckled tearily when she saw the large wet spot she’d left on Julian’s chest. He smiled with her and kissed her temple before pulling the shirt off over his head.

“Think you might be able to try a bit more?” Julian asked hopefully, nodding towards the plate. “Crying takes a lot out of you, you’ll need your strength.”

Rilke looked from Julian to the plate a little nervously, but she nodded determinedly.

“Thank you.” Julian gave Rilke one last squeeze before she slid off of his lap. He kept one eye on her as he dug out one of his shirts from Rilke’s dresser- she had “borrowed” quite a few, but Julian didn’t mind- aside from the fact that it was quite sweet, it was useful to have a few spares at her place.

Julian was happy to see Rilke finishing the second piece of bread, even though from the look on her face, she was not enjoying it. He did his best not to hover over her as she ate, knowing that that wouldn’t help. Instead, he began to straighten the mess on top of the dresser- _Rilke_ , he mused, _was one of the most disorganized people he’d ever met_ \- until he heard the sound of the plate being set down.

When Julian turned back around, Rilke was already curling up under the covers again. Julian was struck by how very fond he was of her, and how incredibly resilient she was.

“I’m proud of you,” Julian smiled as he got into bed next to Rilke. She smiled, still a little embarrassed, but grateful nonetheless.

Rilke lay on her side, and Julian settled next to her on his back. Rilke didn’t hesitate to curl around her lover’s body, resting her head on his chest. He started to rub slow circles in between her shoulder blades, and she relaxed visibly, almost melting into him.

“How’s that?” Julian murmured.

“Perfect.”

Julian thought it best to voice the last question on his mind before they relaxed fully- it was, he figured, better not to dodge the subject.

“Darling, whenever you feel like this- you don’t have to tell me, but… if you want to, you can. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of-” Julian paused to kiss the top of Rilke’s head- “and I’ll do anything I can to help you.”

“Thank you.” Rilke’s breath was warm through Julian’s shirt. “I’ll try.”

“I know you will,” Julian whispered into Rilke’s hair.

The two fell into a comfortable silence. Julian ran a hand absently through Rilke’s curls and listened to her breathing as it slowed. Just when he thought she’d fallen asleep, though, Rilke spoke.

“I love you.”

Julian’s chest warmed at Rilke’s sleepy smile. He kissed her temple tenderly as he whispered,

“I love you too, darling. More than I can say.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first time writing fanfic, please be gentle bc I'm baby
> 
> (edit 11/26/2020: I totally forgot about this fic until recently- thanks so much for reading, and for the kudos!
> 
> I'd still love to hear what you think- comments make my day!! I'm always looking for ways to improve :)
> 
> While I'm not really into The Arcana much anymore, I have a couple of oneshots/wips sitting in my drive that I'd like to post at some point, so keep an eye out for those!
> 
> Also, reading through this again I'm realizing I totally snubbed Asra- if he came off as OOC, sorry about that. he's not the focus of the fic, so I guess I kind of just... didn't even bother? idk man, don't remember what I was thinking when I wrote this.)
> 
> as always, you can find me on tumblr: navigatrixart.tumblr.com or on instagram: instagram.com/navigatrixart for updates, art, OC writing, and general hooliganry!


End file.
